I Don’t Want to Have MS Anymore
Published Jul 30, 2014
So, I’m sitting at my desk doing some research for today’s blog. I’m combing the latest news from clinical trials, the most recent news stories. I’m poking around all of the patient service and advocacy organizations’ sites. Then it hits me – I just don’t want to have MS anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that after a diagnosis and without a cure, not living with MS means not living. I’ll choose the latter, thank you.
Still, living for an extended period with MS (and it will be 14 years in the spring, not the 18 I counted last week – stupid cog-fog), I find MS is like a heavy bag of something that I have to carry around.
The bag wasn’t always this heavy. Sometimes it’s still heavier than others, but it’s always an awkward shape and size. I shift the bag from one hand to the other, like a grocery sack that was packed too full, and try to shift the burden. I sling it around and stop by the road to rest now and again, but the bag of MS is always with me.
The days when the bag would fill and then empty some are gone forever. Now it just gets progressively more full, more heavy, and more difficult and tiresome to carry though each day.
But still we marshal on.
Today, rather than sit down with my bag at my side to rest for a while, I wish I could just leave it and walk along sans bag for a while. Well, forever, really, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
I’m not whining or complaining too much – and even if I were, I know that this community would understand what I’m talking about. I’m just tired of having MS. I’m not tired of living, I’m not depressed, I don’t need to take a pill or a nap. I’ll be fine…
I just wish I didn’t have this thing to carry around for today.
You know what I mean?
I saw this post and had to re-post it because it is exactly how I feel! I started feeling this way around year 10 and it’s been 14 yrs. for me too… You start to wonder how long you can put up with something like this until it starts to drive you crazy… knowing that it will never end… never.